Vision quest part 1 This is

Vision quest part 1

This is one effect of the combined silence and awareness training: you begin to notice so many thoughts that are normally hidden in the tumult. They arrive in my head and instead of passing unnoticed and unchecked a little bell goes off: Ping: Judgement, Ping: Anger. Please don t get the wrong idea, I m not a surpressed axe murderer. These are sadly normal, judgements like Can t he see how ugly those trousers are or How dare he take the next washing-up sink when we re waiting here patiently. Pointless and petty and popping up all the time. Realisation of how far I have to go?: check. This background mental agression has risen to a crescendo in days three and four because: these b keep making me sit for hours, again and again and again! This never stops. I think. There goes the bell again, already. Don t make me do this, please! as I pull myself up from my bunk and trudge towards the stairs. Of course I signed up for this and I want to be here, but such a reasonable fact doesn t take away the anger. I m itching for a fight. At times, as the hours role on, I am sitting on my cushion desperate to start a royal rumble, turning on The Cougher and letting all this frustration vent itself in a giant macho pile-up. This is not surprising. This routine can only be described as gruelling, or it is certainly proving so for many of us, especially the new students. Ten hours seated per day. We have all become cushion sculptors. You will never see anyone plump a pillow as carefully or apply such origami-like precision to the folding of a blanket. It vision quest part 1 critically important because as you hit minute 90 or 110 those aches become the most significant events in the history of the universe. They expand and they swallow time. That s what I need! I caught myself thinking at one point one of those professional cushions with the Ohm embroidered on the top. Bet that s their secret, a riduculous illusion brought to an end when someone lent me theirs: Nope, worse. We have been introduced to Firm Determination : from day four we are asked that we do our utmost to stay absolutely still during the hour-long group meditations, not shifting our position at all I realise that I was trying this for every session anyway. The principle reason for this is to provide the raw material for developing equanimity, but vision quest part 1 of that later. Ring the bell! Ring the bloody bell! Don t you realise how important this is! Just ring it! NOW! It must be nearing 5pm but the toughest thing is I have no idea exactly what time it is. The small ache in my left buttock hadn t been much trouble at first but it grew, and grew, and grew. Now it is an incessant orchestra hit of discomfort. But I am NOT going to give in. An observer could gaze around the room clueless that behind so many of the faces of blissful calm rages a struggle of operatic proportions. I chuckle at the thought of a Meditation Olympics not much to look at, but oh, if the commentator could read minds. I found myself climbing the steps to the meditation hall earlier humming the Rocky theme tune. This is the toughest challenge of my life so far, no question.